lately been finding it tough to write anything that reflects my true emotions. distractions of my everyday life. the dark reflections of the voices in my head. excuses or not, i don't even try to write these feelings down. afraid of what i'll find out. afraid of hurting ppl around me. they say life's a cycle - one moment you're up, another you're down. if that's true, with the depth of my depression at the moment, i think life owes me a lifetime of ecstatic joy... if only that's ever true.
probably it's not as bad as it seems or feels. maybe it's just me putting on a negative spin on everything in life. just to be a little bit more dramatic. just to create that little bit more suspense in my otherwise routine life. just maybe...
anyway, no point confusing you my avid readers any longer. and it's worthless trying to get to the bottom of my turbulent emotions as it'll just go on and on and on - endlessly. instead, let's talk about something else. something with more substance to it.
i hear somewhere that earth hour is coming up again. last year, i've supported it. but now, i feel it's another one of those cliché "feel good" events that floods the world these days. just because you stop using electricity for an hour, does not make you an environmentalist. wat good does an hour do against all the other pollutions still going on in every part of the world? some would say it's better than nothing. but that's exactly the mentality that brought us to where we are today. was crossing the border of miri/brunei last week and saw several spots of bush fire (due to the searing heat more than anything else) and suddenly feels as though the world is failing under a huge burden. and unfortunately, we're a massive portion of that burden.
there are a couple more things i want to write about but this post has turned out to be so gloomy, i dun wanna continue writing here. i'll save those for a lighter post.
ps: this blog will be without the presence of cl for a while. she's in shanghai, china for now on a new job assignment and as we all know, china's blocked out numerous sites on the www and unfortunately blogspot is one of them. ridiculous, i know, but i don't want to elaborate more or they'll probably locate my house and nuke me out of the face of the earth... =P